| so yesterday after a long day of work (well for me it's more like 11AM to 6PM) I met a buddy of mine at a restaurant/bar to get some food/drink and just kick it for a bit before heading out to ktown looking for some fun PG-13 rated activity. after throwing down a few drinks and ordering a couple of small Japanese dishes, the waiter brought over the bill and my friend took a glance at it and said to me "so split down the line, 80 a person including tip?" with not a nano second of hesitation , i nodded and threw down my credit card like I was in a drive through at Jack in the Box. then we head out to another bar in ktown and after a few more rounds of drinks for myself and the girls were with, dropped another bill or two (lost count) and parted ways. It was not until this morning when I got up at freaking 10:30AM to make some coffee for myself that it dawned on me how I have completely lost control of my life. Being single with a decent amount of disposable income can be a very scary thing. I work as a financial consultant helping business manage their cash flow and helping clients manage their spending budget and here I am, completely lost touch with reality and throwing money into a fire pit without a blink of an eye. When you single, where do you place your value at? What is important and what isn't is not so clear cut when you are a bachelor with nothing to tie you down, or to put in better light, nothing to stabilize you and keep you grounded. I have no anchor, but instead just letting the wave carry me wherever it chooses to. I mean sure, being single I could totally be saving money for a down payment on a condo, but without a girlfriend and the idea of marriage still far far away, the pressure simply aint there. Besides, it's not like most of us dont already max out on our 401k and Roth IRA regardless. So what do you do with the rest of your money when you already live in a pretty decent apartment in a relatively nice area? Within the past 2 years, I have gone to China, South America, Australia, and will be heading to Toronto and Thailand as my two next destinations and countless weekend Vegas trips along the way. I am addicted to shopping, 225.00 pair of 7s, sure put it in the bag. A Hugo Boss shirt with a 10% mark down, charge it sales clerk. When you single, you can find out from a friend of a friend that he is heading to Thailand in 3 weeks and without having to ask anyone's permission or even taking into account anyone's feeling, I can go on Expedia.com and book a trip to tag along. It's a never ending party but a party with very little substance and meaning. What's it like experiencing a beautiful sunset in Australia by the Darling Harbor with 4 of your buddies vs. with a girlfriend? I am not saying being single you spend more than being in a relationship, but it's the way you spend and the stuff you spend your $ on. It's self indulgence spending at its fullest and it's only making me more and more selfish of the needs I have over others. It makes it harder for you to compromise when you do meet someone special. I mean shit, I could drop 80.00 on myself at dinner without a care in the world, but with a chick, I might have to cover her, or at least a portion of it. So instead of three drinks, do I hold back and get only one? What about my monthly 45.00 hair cut? and my quarterly hair highlight at 50.00 extra a pop. Maybe that needs to be cut back when the girl wants to go see a stupid play instead. I know I am going off so to get back on track, I just wonder sometime if I am spending for the sake of not having anything better to do. I mean when you are in a relationship, it is the ultimate excuse to skip a night out in the town, or simply enjoy a nice meal with a few friends and call it a night. But when you single, what the fuck am I gonna do sitting on my ass at home even if I am not really in the mood to go out. And why wouldn't I want to skip a week to check out South America simply because I don't need to factor anyone else into my decision. There is no drama, and no questions I need to answer. Is all this freedom of being single good? or is it leading to my ever increasing self destructing behavior? (just to be clear, self destructing behavior for an educated somewhat successful professional simply means spending too much, party too much, indulge too much. No drugs involved and yes, I still hit the gym 5 days a week like a fucking beast that I am). I don't really know the answer to my question except it seems like the grass is always greener on the other side. I know I certainly can't stand the feeling of being trapped in a relationship where every decision I make needs to be backed up with reason/explanation. Where I have to take into consideration how my choices will affect my other half's feeling. It's painful when you have to justify everything you do. So in conculsion, at 28 yrs old, with a nice apartment, nice office, a maid, a personal assistant, decent car, ahead of the curve assets, I feel more lost than ever. Sad? Certainly not. Happy? Not particularly. I guess that's what it means to be single...you are just constantly searching for that next high...one day at a time.  
 
|
